Sanity Savers: Part One

Another day, another million little hassles. Paper cuts, shoe scuffs, running out of toilet paper — it’s a wonder you can overcome the paralyzing fear of what new terrors await you in the world and even get out of bed in the morning. I applaud you, ladies and gentleman, for having the courage and perseverance simply to exist. Clap, clap, clap.

I, too, find everyday existence kind of a struggle. It’s the little things that get you, you know? Well, today I’d like to share with you three simple solutions to those little things that get you. These items help spare my sanity on a daily basis.

Stretching Some Shoes

Over the weekend I chanced upon some wicked awesome shoes. They had so much going for them: They were bright orange! They were platform wedges! They were 60% off retail! But, as luck would have it, the last available pair was a half size smaller than my usual. Undeterred, I tried them on. The length of the footbed matched my foot just fine, but the shoes were so tight at the vamp that I could barely squeeze my toes in, leaving my heel dangling off the back.

I bought them anyway.

Hey, I figured this would make for an excellent opportunity to document how exactly I go about stretching some shoes. Also, omg they’re so cute and make me so tall.

OMG: A Post About Shoe Care

When I was a little girl, all I wanted to be when I grew up was 5 foot 9.

The first of many adulthood disappointments, I only grew to 5 foot 7.

To compensate for my shortfall [heyo!], I wear a lot of high-heeled shoes. As you may have read in a previous post, I really enjoy looming over others — just standing there, kinda menacingly but with no expressed malice. I am also keen on the fact that one’s shoe size remains fairly static, however one’s weight may fluctuate. All in all, shoes are awesome and we should all buy a bunch of them. Yay!

Anywho, in the dual interests of protecting my investments and making them bearable to walk in, I have assembled the following tiny arsenal of products:

Behind the cut, just a whole bunch of text that is, like, long and boring. Seriously, it’s about shoe care. How fun could I possibly make it?

Photoshop Actions (Thanks, Susie!)

This morning, the lovely Miss Susie Ghahremani (boygirlparty) turned me on to the wonder that is Photoshop Actions — little automations that can be applied to your photos to achieve a host of different effects in a matter of seconds. As my BFF, Zak, put it: “It’s like instagram or camera+ (or any of a million other iPhone apps) but for Photoshop!”

Check out the much improved version of yesterday’s quickie that Susie sent me:

Massively better, right? I anticipate that my photos are about to improve significantly thanks to Susie and Photoshop Actions. Especially now that I know that you can get tons of them for free on deviantART. I’ve spent the last couple of hours just browsing, downloading and fooling around with them. Here’s me in my jammies and five different actions:

I would certainly tweak for-reals photos a bit more before posting, but I just wanted to show the effects that could be achieved simply with the actions themselves. They make a great basis for your own improvements and can quickly add to or change the mood of a photo. Vintage effects appear to be very popular, but there are literally hundreds to choose from. There are even some that make your photos look like Polaroids:

It’s a Polaroid, but I’m holding a DSLR. …buh?

Anyway, I hope you might find them useful for your own pictures. I know I will. Thanks so much, Susie!

P.S. Though I will definitely be using Photoshop Actions to enhance my photos, rest assured I will not be ‘shopping myself to enhance my looks. Given the amount of work necessary to tweak myself to my liking, I’d be better off just cutting myself out of the picture entirely.

P.P.S. What do you think of my new glasses? I got them because they reminded me of Henry Kissinger [1] [2] [3], but then I saw him on Charlie Rose the other night and he’s changed his glasses.

P.P.P.S. Henry Kissinger is also the inspiration behind my facial expressions.

Closet Organization

Outfit posts are on hold while I figure out how to take a self-portrait. There doesn’t seem to be a good space in the house for it and the back yard attempts failed utterly due to poor lighting and a general lack of photographic know-how.

So, today I offer a little peek into my closet and how I’ve chosen to organize it. My closet is, for the most part, chaotic but for the few little havens of organization I’m sharing today. FYI: You can double click the images to enlarge them.

I have a little arsenal of products I like to keep on hand in case of emergencies: products to keep bra straps from falling or boot necks from sinking; products for cleaning and buffing and polishing; products for generally keeping one’s appearance tidy. At some point I will do a post about my favorite products and their uses. It will be thrilling informative.

Did you know that the average woman will spend $25,000 on shoes in her lifetime and will own around 470 total pairs of shoes? I did, and to this I say: We really must do something about heart disease, because women must be living some exceptionally short lives. Shoes > leading killer of women FOREVER.

Anywho, I like shoes. I like looking at them almost more than I Iike wearing them. The pictures on the boxes help.

BELTS. When I think of my belt rack I think of that scene in Wayne’s World where Stacy (Wayne’s ex-girlfriend) gives him a gun rack as a present. “A gun rack? I don’t even own A gun.” Not too long ago, I didn’t even own A belt. Something mysterious and unsettling has happened since then, I guess, but the net result was BELTS.

Yes. Fascinating stuff.